Boyfriend and uni

So me and bf have been together for 2 1/2 years now and we have had a lot of good times, but also a lot of bad times. He has bipolar, adhd and anger problems. my family and friends don’t like him because of how he has treated me in the past and he hasn’t like reassured them or apologise. Anyway im going to university coming this September and he isnt, so we were thinking of getting a flat where i go to uni. But obviously im cautious, thats a big commitment. He has treated me well and he still has his off days and he does need counselling, but wont get it. My family dont like him. he said hes gonna try sort it out with them, but i dont know what will happen, if things will get better between them :/ i want for them to be able to visit me and obvs he will be there and i want them to be comfortable. I also am cautious because ive never lived with him and hes very lazy, i feel like i would need to set some ground rules. but then what if he treats me badly and we break up and have to move out :/ im sooo confused!!! i love him so much, but im just worried because its a big deal :/ any suggestions of what i should do? thanks

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evemary16

4 Answers

Moving in together is a big step to take, especially if you two are still going through a rough path. It sounds like you two still have a few things to work out. If you two live together, that can add stress and pressure, which wouldn't be a healthy environment for you while you're in uni. You also need to take into consideration that it can be really difficult for your boyfriend when you set certain rules. Rules are important, but you also have to understand what he has to deal with and be a bit flexible towards him. It would be better if things would get solved before actually taking a big step like that. Your parents may not like him, but they're not the ones in a relationship with him, you are. What matters is if you like him and if you love him. What should matter for your parents is your happiness and if you're happy with your boyfriend, then they should accept that and accept him.

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Silent Rain

9,520

Hm well this is just my opinion, but a lot of colleges/unis have people living on campus. Depending on where you go, it differs I suppose, but on campus life helps build so much more friendships and all of that. If you're not sure about it, I think moving together would not be the best option. However, I have no experience on such issues so yeah. Thats just my opinion.Goodluck!

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Strawberry

489

Thank you for your replies, I've very like considera of how he's feeling, I give him a lot of benefit of the doubt as he has put me through a lot! Like I mean a lot! He has brought my family a lot of worry and upset and of course I don't want that for them and it is my relationship with him and it's my decision, not there's, they want me to be happy, but they don't like him, because he had made me so unhappy in the past :/

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evemary16

Having been in a similar position, I would recommend not living with him just yet. You need to mingle with other new students or you might find yourself relying on him for support and company and not really connecting with your peers as well, which could put a lot of pressure on the relationship. There's always the option of living together in your second year and he could come and stay and vice-versa.

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Alice-Claire