I'm the exact same way. Whenever I am "there" for someone, it's one of the greatest feelings I can have in an otherwise emotionless existence. I don't want to go on a (dozen paragraph) rant like I do in all my other posts. Because if I were to get into how much I love helping people, I'd end up typing twice that amount at least.
It's safe to say that I accept anyone and everyone, I have helped so many people in the past month since "getting back into" the website. But I never feel like I can help enough... and that's technically true since we are all human...and humans hurt. I was most recently drawn back into this site due to an unbearably deep feeling of emptiness inside of me.
I'm still working on that, but I'm not a very good venter...a few days ago I had to get drunk just to be uninhibited enough to let my guard down. Just to get me to a point where I could open myself up to another person. I sent two private messages in which I basically spilled my guts emotionally to the two friends that I'd build up the most trust with so far on here.
I never heard back from one...obviously freaked them out by being waaaay to deep and "heavy" out of the blue. That... aaaand sending a 20-25 paragraph private message, I mean that ALONE probably puts a lot of people off. Hell, for all I know they are STILL reading it three days later. ;) Haha! Okay... but seriously.
The second person did PM me back about an hour ago, but this time she refused to to allow my weirdness to creep her out and not to be deterred by the tidal wave of text I sent her. She's still there for me just as much as I was for her. Which itself freaks me out in a good way and restores a tiny sliver of my faith back into this terrible species of animals called humanity.
When I reach out to try and help someone on here...I do so while channeling as much love, respect and loyalty as I can possibly summon. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even on this site, like whenever I feel like I'm doing more harm than good. Or considering I'm on this site all day specifically because I don't know anyone in my small town that has no means of making a single friend....
So here I am, having a hard time connecting with new friends.....at times feeling like the awkward loner outside of a group of awkward loners! Haha. Not even socially relaxed, open or outgoing enough to talk to anymore than 7 random people enough to the point of either of us clicking the "Add Friend" button.
But over the past month of daily presence on here, sometimes from wake til sleep I'll be trying to help handfuls of people at the same time. But when not that active, this site is always tabbed on chrome bare minimum and checked at regular intervals for PMs, new Q's I can answer, etc.
But most days like today, I've spent the past 5 hours monitoring the QnA area a few times an hour, looking for Q's to answer whenever I can. From someone who's about to break down into a million pieces, to the lighter and more upbeat ones like this one I'm responding to now. I do all of this, just to that when I am feeling empty and dead inside.
Overwhelmed with a quiet sadness that I can't "feel", but I can "sense" is JUST right under the surface. Whenever I basically just feel like nothing I do really matters in the end, I get a PM like the one I just got almost two hours ago now.
A message that mirrors my loyalty and care directly back at me, showing me that I'm not the only wolf howling at the moon in the dead of night. When I hear that other "howl", I can finally rest assured... I'm not all alone out here in the woods after all.
It's a calming notion for a beast like me, to realize that there are fellow creatures. Creatures that are roaming around out here with me in the BlahTherapy "forest" each and every night. More interestingly... some of these creatures I've come to learn, are somehow even stranger than me. True monsters that lurk around out here, who make even an unsocialized weirdo like me seem like the life of the party. I take enormous comfort in this, and to those of you who are monsters...I have even more gratitude for your very existence.
This is paragraph lucky #13 :P . I just wanted to sincerely thank any and all of those of you who took the time to read this entire thing. Sorry for any minor types, I reread it once...but after working on these posts on and off for some times 1-2 hours at a time, I just have to get them "out there", they need to be done at some point.
So with all that've said as my backdrop, the setting and having the atmosphere set....to answer you question? Yes, I'd love to "have into long conversations about anything and everything." with you. Because, if you haven't noticed so far...that's kinda my specialty. :)