Anyone else wish they were dead?

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Hello. I’m Ellysa, formerly known as Kitt. I wish I was dead…. I don’t want to hurt anyone, or do anything that I’d know I’d regret, but I wish I could leave and no one would miss me. I wish I could overdose and die in my sleep. I know I need help, but I’m not willing to go to the hospital right now. Too much I’ve got to do. But I feel like no one but my one friend gets me. I feel unsafe in my house. I feel disregarded, insulted, and broken. I wish I could live with my family. I really do, but they just get on my nerves….. I can’t stand them. I wish I could take a week break at the least away from them, but I know I can’t. I wish my mom would take the job and move to Atlanta so I can move in with people who do understand me….. I just wish I were dead. Anyone else feel that way?

Category: Tags: asked June 4, 2014

4 Answers

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I don't at the moment, but I've been there before. I've tried over-dosing. I've tried hardcore drugs to help me cope. I tried drinking and sex and violence to numb it all. I made it through it though. It takes time and sometimes you feel like you can't wait anymore but eventually it comes around to you finding that ONE thing that you want to hold one for. Mine was God, and then my wife. And now, my son. As hard as life gets sometimes, I hold on for these three things that make me get up every morning to face the grind that is my life. And slowly, I'm finding more and more things to keep anchored here. I lose myself in books and games. I read creepy-pastas and search for memes. Find something for you, and only you. Block out the noise. No matter how much you feel like you want to die, there is someone, somewhere, that either cherishes you or will. You are valuable. You are a person and you don't need to die.
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I have thoughts like this a lot, but I think that it's mostly just suicidal ideation. I think sometimes it's nice to just think about suicide, because then all of your problems would disappear, but sometimes you have to look past that and really think about what would happen if you did commit suicide. You would be dead and then there really would be no other options, and the people in your life would be devastated by losing you. I urge you to please reach out to the people in your life or try to find a therapist or even just call the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255. There are other options out there for you other than death, I promise. You just have to get past this difficult part and move forward. You matter. You certainly matter to me, and if you feel comfortable feel free to message me and we can talk about your problems more in depth.
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I did. But I think if the much bigger problems and grief of the people who love you when you do that.
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Message me, by the way, if you just want to talk to someone that understands or will listen.