Am I just an awful, selfish person?

Last night a close friend and housemate of mine tried killing herself.
She suffers from depression, its never gotten that bad before.
She is going back to therapy etc as she knows its not right.

I have been asked to not tell our other housemates about what happened, she has gone to her parents this evening to discuss therapy etcetc but they do not know she tried killing herself.

I am now alone in my room, I think it has just hit me and I feel a little isolated and abandoned.
If I were to try anything (not that i will) no one would know untill it was to late.

I feel underappreciated as I often have to clean up other people’s messes and am then left when they are fixed, I too suffer from depression.

So, now I’m just wishing someone would look after me for a change, because I always sort myself out I am always okay.

I had to clean her wound for gods sake. Today I went into town and bought bandages etc. Now its 00:11, I am alone, cannot talk to anyone, my partners phone is broken so I cannot talk to them about it either.

Earlier part of me wished I’d get hit by a car just for them to notice me and maybe take care of me for a change. Which is awful, and I am now in a guilt spiral.

Again, alone.

What the hell is wrong with me?

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TheSammeh

4 Answers

You sound like someone who cares a lot about your friends and puts their needs before your own. That is an admirable trait. It is natural to feel alone at times, everyone feels that way at a certain point in their lives, but if you look closer you will see that you are not entirely alone. You have your family and the people who you have helped. You know this deep down. They may not openly express gratitude but they will always remember what you had done to help them during difficult times. Do not lose hope, reach out to the people around you. Make new friends, reestablish bonds with old friends.

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H Lecter

You sound like a very good, very unselfish person to me. There's a lot of positive things you've done and I'm sure the people you've helped appreciate you more than you know, but just don't know you need some help too. Y'know being everyone's shoulder to cry on is stressful, especially if it goes on for awhile. I mean wow, cleaning someone's wound for them.. You seem like a very good friend, but you're still human and you have your own problems, and I'm thinking you tend to keep them bottled up inside or have trouble reaching out for help.. I think you need to try talking to someone you know and trust, get some things off your chest.

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ThePassiveNihilist

you're not selfish. you need to get yourself help, as well. take care of yourself before you take care of others.

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Cadence

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I have been trying to reach out to people but they never know how to help when I am the one who needs helping.I am glad I joined this site though, its been helpful to vent to people who can see the facts and react from them.Thank you for answering me x

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TheSammeh