Where do I start? First of all, I think I have lots of issues that have piled up because I didn’t ask for help earlier.
I’m a 22 years old guy, and I have lots of self esteem issues: somedays I really just can’t look at the mirror or even walk out of the house. I feel physically ugly, and even though I hit the gym everyday to try and look better, nothing really helps. I keep comparing myself to other guys, and every single day I just realize that unfortunately looks matter, and I don’t have any.
I also am gay (no one knows yet, and no one ever will), but I’m surrounded by people that don’t really accept it, despite living in an open minded city. I’ve never had a relationship before, never kissed anyone before, never gave a hug to anyone, for the fear of being seen. My family doubts it, and ever since march 2015 they keep asking me, EVERY SINGLE DAY, when I’m going to get a girlfriend (how crushing is that?).
Finally, I also feel like i’ve been living this whole time for others. Doing whatever other people wanted me do. Yet when I complain about it, all i’m called is selfish and spoiled (because my family is rich, yet no one understands that money isn’t the solution to anything).
I’m really saddened by the fact that at 22 years old, the age that everybody says to be the best age of their lives, I have to see myself suffering like this, and going back and forth from hospitals because of this constant stomachache and headache (which are probably caused by my depression that no one realises exists, not even doctors. They just keep running these tests on me because they say it’s not really normal to have 29 days of physical pain a month.. Still they’re not getting an answer.)
These things all piled up actually make me feel like I have no future, and the only solution i’ve got in mind is death (– don’t get me wrong, I’ve never had suicidal thoughts and I really don’t want to be remembered through a suicide, I just hope that one day I won’t wake up from my bed.)
Am I hopeless? do I still stand a chance? Do you think I need a professional therapist?
Any opinions are highly appreciated…
Thanks for reading!