Am I being selfish?

I’m 21 years old, married to a marine, we live in Hawaii. We’re both from New Mexico. Usually during Christmas time, we go back to New Mexico to visit our families but this year we aren’t, because his parents decided to fly out here (and fly out my husband’s sister and her boyfriend, as well as my husband’s brother, his wife and their 3 month old) during Christmas/new years. Here’s my issue: his parents didn’t even ask if that was ok with us. And I feel like no one was thinking about me while planning all this because since we aren’t going to New Mexico, I won’t be able to see my family (who I only get to see once a year during the holidays) His family is always so nice and they’ve already planed out the whole trip (including renting a beach house and planning activities for all of us) and I don’t want to sound ungrateful, but I’m finding it difficult to be as excited as they are about coming here, because I know I wont be seeing my family. Am I being selfish?

Category: Family Tags: family relations in-laws asked September 19, 2013

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alex

4 Answers

I don't think you are being selfish at all. if put in the same situation, I would be very upset. maybe you should talk to your husband about it and see if there is any way to change some plans around to give you time to go back to New Mexico. his parents really should have consulted because they know you have a family too. maybe they got caught up in the excitement of a vacation, but they were still ignorant of your feelings/needs. if nothing can be changed, it is best to just try to move on from it, but it still an upsetting situation. I'm sorry!

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youareenough

if i were you i would go home to my family for the holidays...his family is in hawaii. your married not joined at the hip.....just because your married dosent mesn you have to spend EVERY holiday together....you both have trust, right? so no big deal, ...look you will have many holidays to come...having one apart is no big deal.....besides if you stay there for the holidsys you know your gonna resent it at sone point, why put yourself in thst position.... btw, my husband and i have been married 25 years as of last july... and i was in the Corps in the 80's ... i felt i had to add my thoughts here, best of luck to you :)

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Robin

1,659

I totally understand your feelings. Can you visit your family for a few days while his family is at your place? That way you get to see both ^^

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Malfuria

I'm guessing you haven't been married long. :) Undoubtedly, your inlaws were wrong to not consult with you before hand. But they probably have good intentions. To them, you probably live in an exotic place and they just want to experience it with you. That being said, no, it doesn't mean you have to give up your family. Maybe you can carve out a few days to go there anyway. If the in laws have their own place to stay, who says you have to be around 100% of the time? Maybe you don't get the actually holiday days, but that can be ok, too. Your husband definitely needs to have a word with them or you risk having to deal with this again. It's very nice they want to be with you, and very generous to being everyone else, but... And then all that being said, you are married now, and there will be compromises. :) Good luck!

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Penelope