Always on my mind..

I’ve summarized this the best I can, but it’s still a little long, for those of you looking for two sentence questions..

Last year, I met a boy in my grade 11 English class, we’ll call him B. B and I quickly became friends, and soon enough, he started to grow on me, and I developed a little crush on him.

Our first time hanging out, he dropped it on me that he wasn’t interested in a relationship with anyone, and was just enjoying being single for the moment. I was a little hurt, but I got over it and we continued to be friends, forgetting all about that. Then he tried getting flirty, joking around, which I didn’t like because I thought it went back on his whole ‘I’m not ready to date’ story, so I pulled him up on it before he left for an art camp and basically said, “Go to camp, lets give each other a little space.” He left, I missed him like crazy, and he came back with a girlfriend.

I was furious. The moment he came back he apologized and promised not to hurt me again. He felt bad that I’d found out the way I did (from gossip, wannabe hipster we both despise) and wished he’d had the chance to explain to me gently. He is a very genuine guy, and in his defense, he was stuck in the wilderness for 2 weeks with a girl who wanted him, so I give him that. I probably would have done the same if I had some boy following me around most of the day. We continued to hang out and be friends, but I always had that underlying anger over what happened.

Eventually, they did break up and their long distance fling ended, and now in grade 12, he is dating a new girl. This is where it gets hairy:

He kept asking to hang out with me. With his ‘taken’ status, I thought the whole thing was a little weird, and having some feelings stirring in me for him, I thought it was a bad idea. Not to mention, only a short while ago, a close mutual friend came to me and said B had told her he, “regretted not dating me” which really threw me off. A week or two ago, I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked him what his motive was: why do you want to hang out with me still? While I feel boys and girls are more than capable of being just friends, I feel that with all that has happened, that request is a little unusual..

A brief reiteration of his response: I messed up with you. I went to camp, I let myself get the better of me, I hooked up with that girl, and I blew it. I had feelings for you, but with all the pain I caused you, I thought it was inappropriate to ask you to date me. I still want to hang out, and I promise not to confuse you again.

While I’m not tossing in my bed during sleepless nights about this, I can’t get this out of my head. I wanted him so badly, and to find out he wanted me too but didn’t want to hurt me, and is now TAKEN, just KILLS ME.

I’m hung up on it. I really want to see him, but I can’t help feeling like I have an alternative motive brewing..

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MM//2121

8 Answers

0 accepted

"The person you're meant to be with will never have to be chased, begged or given an ultimatum." - Mandy Hale

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Fish & Chips

Honestly I think you should just tell this guy to stop messing around with you and your feelings and decide what he wants. It's understandable that he didn't want to ask you to date him before because of hurting you, but now he's just playing with you and that's wrong. You need to put your foot down and tell him to decide whether he likes you or wants to be with you or not and finalize it. Mind games are no fun and not worth it. Also, if he does end up telling you he wants to be with you, make sure he completely ends any relationship that he may have with another girl. You don't want to be in a situation where he's with her and kisses you, because that obviously causes unnecessary drama. And make sure you are actually okay with everything that's happened between you two in the past.

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Susan

138

If he really likes you, tell him how you feel and he won't be with her for much longer. Although be warned, he is probably just messing with you and has no real interest.

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Bob Marley

It is a bit demanding to give an ultimatum, but sometimes that's the only way. From what it seems, he's hurt you and played with you enough that you deserve to put your foot down and be a little demanding. Also, he might just be scared to dump the girl he's with because he may think it's too late to be with you. You just have to tell him how to feel about everything.. But be sure that you'll be okay with whatever he says. He may want to dump her for you, or he may want to stay with her and ignore the feelings you have/had for each other at any point. You have to be okay with whatever outcome happens.

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Susan

138

Hmm, that is quite something. I think it's for the better if you distance yourself a bit from him. So far, he's cause a lot of trouble, and no matter how nice he is, he did hurt you. If he wants to be with you, he should make up his mind and since he's been playing around with you for a while maybe you should give him an ultimatum. Either he breaks up with his girlfriend and maybe the two of you start dating, or you both take your distance for a while. I hope this helps!

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Pleun

103

Isn't it a bit demanding to give him an ultimatum? He's in a relationship.. wouldn't he have dumped her already if he wanted to move on with anyone else..?

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MM//2121

I said to give him an ultimatum since he's just constantly fooling around with you. He never gives you a serious answer, so you should give him one last chance, or just let him go.

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Pleun

103

I know you're good friends with this guy and you want to believe everything he tells you because he's nice, but you also need to think of you. If you've been waiting on him for a while, then he's wasted your time while he's out doing whatever he wants. He shouldn't be able to control your life like that, even if its not on purpose. Also, I've found that "I didn't want to hurt you" is a seemingly sweet way for guys to say they didn't have the balls to tell you the truth. If he can't give you a straight answer about what he wants (regardless of whether its because he's confused himself or because he's being inconsiderate), you have to assume the answer is no. It seems that either way, he's not ready to commit himself to you like you're willing to do for him, and that isn't fair.

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Bright Whisk