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    Seagoat posted an update 1 year ago

    thoughts/rant: why is it those under stressful situations/environments/mentality that vocalise these issues are always encouraged to have this idealistic ”outlook” on life as if it will impact the situation itself? like, ’hey life’s not that bad, it could always be worse’… but rewarding someone for NOT kicking you while your down is not an act of generosity, its self-dismissal, its undermining your own worth and value as an individual. Its like staring at water and willing it into wine; it doesn’t matter what your outlook is, or how much you believe in miracles, its the action you take that shapes the outcome…… tbh I’m sick of people telling me, or those around me, that ’its not that bad’ and then begins to recite their life history, or compares my day to theirs, as if thats the problem… if anything, undermining the experiences of those with a mental illness/developing one or just had a stressful day and needs to talk about it, makes them less likely to vocalise and seek help in the future. it also makes you an asshole.

    Mood : Exhausted
    • Good point, I agree (And well explained) @seagoatsyntax
      What i’m curious after reading this is (per my interpretation)… you did suggest listeners on what ’NOT’ to do. Would you have some thoughts on what a ’listener’ should rather do instead? That would be super helpful, thank you.

    • Oli replied 1 year ago

      It is difficult to be positive when things seem hard @seagoatsyntax, we need to find various ways of helping each other come through tough times, in the end, it’s about making someone feel good, upbeat and brighter about the road ahead :) (hugs)

    • oh wow im guilty of doing the comparing thing sometimes :\ i also would like to know what you think is a better way to approach someone experiencing situation similar to yours?
      whatever situation youre in i hope you will find a way to overcome it!

    • thank you @aireens @oliver @sigmasuccour for the positive comments ! I was just venting a little but I’m glad some people have been able to build off it (its wasn’t meant to be a suggestion or anything like that, just something I felt a lot of people have come across and not been able to speak about, but I’m glad some have taken an interest) !! Its difficult to remember not to sell ourselves out in some way or another, especially when you already consider yourself to be of little value which makes it SO EASY to do… admitting a mental illness is difficult, and confronting one even more so, but also keeping in mind depression/anxiety and other debilitating mental illnesses already cause negative thoughts…. If you believe your an asshole, unworthy of kinship, and vent to someone about your self-sabotaging thoughts only to have it regurgitated back at you, is kinda a slap in the face…. like, your not admitting the emotion but adding to it. We know its our mentality, and thats (more often than not) the problem. Being a good listener is INCREDIBLY difficult – from personal experience – but already providing a framework to hang emotions up as an excuse rather than a thought, already assures that person as to why their mentality is a lability. Whenever people vent to me about how awful the day was, or how hard their job was, I dont like to add to that list… positivity does aid a situation but it certainly doesn’t carry it; some from of understanding is always better than pity. For example, if someones carrying a set of heavy boxes, only to turn to you and say, ”these boxes are pretty heavy.” you wouldn’t reply ”thats only because you /think your weak!” you’d (hopefully lol) shoulder the burden.
      So in short, reassurance and discussions (!!!) are always better than a simple pat on the back, which only distracts from the core issue rather than solving it… It always good to remember that pain is relative; but that being said, listeners need to look after themselves too, you dont always need to be the shoulder to cry on, and its okay to admit you need help dealing with emotions… I’m really glad this is a discussion, I just hope I’ve explained it well enough ٩(๑`^´๑)۶
      if yall have any tips to add, pls share !!