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    PaperKites21 posted an update 6 months ago

    Ok, I am having thoughts about breaking up with my boyfriend. We have been dating since 2010 we also live together- have been for 2 years now. Five months ago, things between us have been fading, it could be me, it could be him; maybe it’s just both of us. I swear I love him, but lately we haven’t had a normal relationship. There is no sweet talk, no doing things just because, or any sex, when we do have sex there is no intimacy or romance. It’s like we are roommates or friends with benefits. I try to get into it, but something is off.

    About two months ago, I started going over to friends house over the weekend because nights with him were boring. He never wanted to do anything with me.. He would spend his time in front of a computer or tv screen. I wouldn’t mind watching tv with him, but its ALWAYS video games or sports or some action movie he knows I won’t enjoy. I went to my friends house this Saturday night and texted him that I wasn’t coming home. He said “Of course you won’t” – I knew he would get mad but I was having too much fun to care about him, I know I sound horrible, but trust me if I had stayed home with him he wouldn’t acknowledge me. It’s not like I am never home.. I am only gone a couple nights (maybe 3 times) a week.. I have tried to get him to go over with me to get out of the house but he refuses. I also try to get him out even if that means going to a drive through together and eating somewhere besides the house, and he won’t even do that. He either makes me go get food to bring back or we order in.

    I don’t think I can break up with him. I feel like I am between a rock and hard place. We just sighed a new lease together for a year contract. We will move out in 2 months. if I broke up with him now, he would not be able to pay rent by himself. The monthly rent will be $550. The plan is for both of us to pay $275. I don’t want to do that to him.. It is a one bedroom apartment, so he wouldn’t be able to get a roommate. I guess he would have to get a a higher paying job or a 2nd job or that. He has a job delivering food- some of you know that doesn’t make much. He knows that, but he refuses to get a different job.

    My options would to move 400 miles back to my hometown or move in with friends here. Seems easy, I know, but It seems so complicated.

    I am 23 years old.. I just want to have fun with someone who wants to hang out with me, you know? He talks about a future with me, we talk about marriage and already have names picked out for our children. Neither of us are in a rush for marriage or kids. We both have flaws but it’s getting frustrating.Maybe we just need a break- I have told him that but he doesn’t understand why it make a difference. I need some major advice..

    Mood : Alone
    • Oli replied 6 months ago

      You deserve a relationship that is strong and loving @paperkites21, I would try to talk to your boyfriend about being close and intimate, hopefully he will listen and try to make changes, I’m sure things will work out, do what you feel is best for you going forward, feel free to inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, you are never alone :) (hugs)

    • Have you talked to him about this specifically, the way you’re describing now? Have you tried asking him what’s going on, or told him how it’s making you feel and why you don’t like to stay at home? There are many possible reasons to why he could be acting that way. Perhaps he’s more of an introvert, and is simmering down to a level more comfortable for him since you’ve been living together a few years. Maybe he just feels like the relationship is moving too quick, or too slow. Or maybe he is a bit down or feeling unfulfilled about a different aspect in his life that’s affecting your relationship negatively. If he is resistant to talking about it, there’s not much you can do there. If I could recommend anything, it would be telling him how you feel as straightforward as you can, saying what you need directly, as well as acknowledging how he feels and asking him what he wants/needs from your relationship. If it has been just the past 5 months that are going downhill, I would give a little more time to see if it can be fixed, but if you don’t think you’ll be happy, you ultimately decide. You are in charge of your life, and if you don’t see it getting better you by no means have to stay, and by no means have to make a decision anytime soon. After your two months are up, if you think a break may help you could definitely try it and see if some space helps you. No matter what you decide, you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel appreciated and loved.

    • @paperkites21 Some people would offer to help him with his rent for a few months just to buy themselves out of a remorse which would prevent them to break free, it’s an option if that’s one of the few things keeping you there.

    • No replied 6 months ago

      What does your side guy suggest? I think shampoo person makes sense – offer two months, but move on now. You are not responsible for his career decisions, just yours. Let him be an adult.

    • @paperkites21 I’ve said this before but I’ll repeat it: if you’re not happy with someone, break up with him. If you already tried dozens of times to work things out, and it still didn’t work, break up. Why keep living a lie? Lying to yourself that you’re ”happy” with him? You have your whole life in front of you and you’re blocking happiness from yourself.

    • Hi I totally get how you feel. I know spending 6 years with someone is a very long time and you are bound to get even more attached. But if there is no love in a relationship or if he is treating you that way girl you deserve someone much better that that. If you don’t feel loved or you having a feeling its not right i would say follow what your heart says.

      Stay blessed positive vibes your way