• Profile picture of Alexandria
    Passing Stranger
    QA Reputation

    Alexandria posted an update 4 months, 4 weeks ago

    I believe in unconditional love. I believe that the person you plan to grow old with deserves unconditional love. Of course I believe that it doesn’t come easy, because then you could just love about anybody, but I’ve given unconditional love before. Unconditional love is stupid love. People can say that that sort of love can only apply to family, but I see no reason why it should never apply to a lover. Now, I believe that the heart is very flexible. With distance and time, I feel like you could emotionally disconnect from anyone if you *really* wanted to, yes, even family. But I choose to be loyal to family because it’s one of my values, as it is for almost everyone. I don’t believe in metaphysical love though–the kind where people think we all have this sort of extrasensory perception in terms of feeling a connection to a blood relative. Separate a human child from its mother for years just following birth, and you will find no significant studies that can really attest that they even recognize each other without simple facial recognition coming into play first. Humans are more advanced than most mammal species though in that we’re not really susceptible to reproductive tendencies as much as we’d like to think we are. ”For women, there is no real evidence to support the notion that there is a biological process that creates that deep longing for a child.” It’s similar to how in many cultures, we are conditioned to believe that breasts are inherently sexual objects. The world is indoctrinated as fuck in so many regards; these are just two instances of it. I believe that unconditional love is the only kind of love that would last a lifetime, and given that humans need more mental and emotional stimulus than most species do, I think true love can play a grandiose part in one’s overall happiness. I don’t think most people would find life worth living if they didn’t feel loved. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my family, but I think I can extend that same love to a lover if I chose to. I see comments like, “Unconditional love is reserved for family. Even if my dad or brother murdered someone, I would still love them. My partner? No way.” I can’t help but to question why people don’t stop think about why they feel this way.

    Long-standing social and cultural influences is one reason. The dynamic between lovers may be more volatile and taxing than that between family, but I find it to be just as deep, if not deeper, and so should be deserving of unconditional love.

    Love is always a choice. Can I say the same for attraction? Maybe not, but I consider myself to be a demisexual, so I haven’t experienced the feeling of wondering whether or not the grass is greener on the side, at least attraction wise. At least personally, I’ve never fallen out of love with someone when I found out they were cheating on me. Was I hurt? Yes. I still saw the best in them though and naturally tried to understand why they did what they did. Am I denying that I was a doormat? Not at all. But I fell out of love with them when I would fall in love with someone new, because it’s one of my values to be loyal as hell to the person I’m with. People talk about struggling staying faithful in a relationship, but I can never understand it. In fact, I would struggle to ever cheat on my partner because I just can’t be attracted to anyone else. I’ve never fallen out of love with someone I had a connection with, no matter what happened. I always saw the best in them. But with time, distance, reevaluation, and a new love, I succeed in getting over each and every one of them. I stop giving unconditional love when I see that it is detrimental to all parties involved. It is detrimental to hold onto someone who doesn’t really want you to hold on, not only for yourself, but for them too. But yes, unconditional love can be extremely toxic if it’s one-sided, and I see no reason why this would not apply to family members too. I feel like we place family on an untouchable pedestal on a scale of love out of pride, but if your partner is someone that you can see yourself building a family with, then they ARE family. But if someone does not pay you that same unconditional love back, then it goes to show that they don’t really care for your love anyhow, and that’s when you don’t need to keep hurting yourself when it reaps no benefits for any party involved. Some people then would say that this isn’t unconditional love since the condition is that it be mutual, but I don’t see it that way. To stop loving someone can be an act of love in itself, for you and them. Maybe I’m overly romanticizing it all, but I don’t think anyone deserves to strap themselves to a love that is anything less than true love to their grave.

    • We should all spread love in the world @jennyburer, keep sharing your thoughts and experiences to inspire others Alexandria, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent :) (hugs)

    • @jennyburer I think an important distinction is that you can still love someone but decide to stop acting on that love, when it’s better that way. It saves a lot of waiting and moral dilemmas.

    • Yes, love unconditionally but that doesn’t dictate a specific response. Enabling behaviour isn’t love. I think a better term is sacrificial love. How much does your love for the Other cost you? Too often we fall in love because of only how they make us feel. Do we seek to help them reach their dreams, their purposes in life? In a relationship it isn’t just about me, but we.