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    Alexandria posted an update 1 year, 6 months ago

    Said goodbye to someone I made my world. He says it’ll take him months to get over all that’s happened, and that he isn’t sure if we’re completely broken. I know that regardless, I should try to move on from him as best as I can, but when I wake up in the middle of the night, I’m just tossing and turning remembering how he looked, his tone, and his coldness the last time we’d ever see each other for a while. I was shaking and digging my fingernails into my skin. There’s nothing in my mind that weighs nearly as much as he does right now though, so I don’t know what I can shift my mind to when I think of him. I try to remember all of the reasons why it was hard for me to trust him, and they are all pretty valid, but then it just makes me angry to think that he could have been stringing me along. So then I try to focus on the good times, and his smile, and his laugh, how he’d look up at the ceiling whenever he started to think about something. But then that just makes me sad. I don’t know what to do. Some part of me wants me to go with my heart and just wait those months out and talk to him again. The other part of me knows that it will be agonizing if I don’t forget him, because all I’ll ever be able to think about is him doing everything that we did with a prettier girl. And my brain knows that it would be foolish to chase after him again, because the chances of me ever really trusting him are slim to none. Then my heart reminds me, ”He might look like a horrible person, but he trusted you enough to let you see all of him, the good and the bad.” I don’t know.

    Mood : Anxious
    • I would do your best to move forward and focus on the bright future that lies ahead for you @jennyburer, I’m sure you will be able to have another relationship in the future, smile and remember all the good times you had with this person, perhaps you will still can be friends with them, I’m sure everything will work out for you, keep going and never give up, I’m always here if you ever need to chat or vent, feel free to message me anytime, my inbox is always open, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

    • I think the part that hurts my brain the most is that I don’t know what to make out of this. It still sort of looks like he may have been cheating on me one way or another, but do I really want to tell myself that out of the three times that I’ve been really deeply invested in a guy (maybe even loved them), I was cheated on twice? Or do I want to try to remember him fondly?

    • If he was cheating on you than you deserve a lot better @jennyburer, a relationship where you are truly cared for and loved will happen, you will meet your knight in shining armour, don’t give up :) (hugs)