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    Zhialus posted an update 6 months, 3 weeks ago

    Anyone have any good coping mechanisms for when the one significant person in your life leaves you without word or reason? There was a point in my life where I was complacent and even happy sometimes with being isolated and lacking a deeper connection but after this person I just really can’t seem to find my way back to that comfortable solitude. Its been a while now since we’ve talked and I feel like I never meant anything to them, it makes me feel so worthless. I was fragile enough before but now without the support of someone close I’m really struggling to keep up with life and the depression is really setting in. Any feedback is appreciated and of course thanks for taking your time of day to read or respond.

    Mood : Alone
    • Anyone who leaves you isn’t worth it @etherealpanda, you deserve to be surrounded by people who will stick by you and bring you love, hope and happiness, do your best to be upbeat and go out into the world, find new activities and meet new friends, smile and know you are cared for, I may not know you personally but I want the best for you, believe in yourself and never give up, you can do it, I’m always here if you need to chat or vent, feel free to inbox me anytime, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

    • @etherealpanda
      If that significant person’ is someone you are sexually attracted to, then its a special case…
      Hence having a vague idea about your case, I will list all the general reasons in my artillery of knowledge, of why one may suffer stress for the leaving of a loved one.
      Here we go!
      1) Dependency: If you are, in any shape or form, dependent on them… then you would dis-heartened when you separate.
      (Thinking that the power to make you feel a certain way, is not your own, but something other people hold. <— from this comes the desire towards others to make you feel a certain way, <— this comes into the category of you being dependent on people/significant person.)
      ~ You resolve this by being independent (in regards to what you depend on them with.) Dependency means that you give something/someone a power, that they don't have. By bringing that power back into your hands, will discard dependency.
      .
      2. irreplaceability: When you lose something you perceive as 'irreplaceable', then that leaves a void in your heart in place of that.
      ~You can resolve this by perceiving them as replaceable. I suggest people who wish to find a soul-mate (life long partner), to NOT get attached to a specific 'person'… but only get attached to their 'qualities'.
      Because if they fell in love with a 'person' that they cannot marry (or spend their life with) then loosing that person would be devastating (because no two people exist as the same). But if they only focus and love the qualities of a person… then loosing them is not dis-heartening… because there are A LOT of people with the same qualities as them.
      (does this make sense?)
      .
      3. Ignorance: The idea of not knowing 'why' they did what they did ('leaving you' in this case), is stressing indeed.
      * In a certain story (from a 1997 Videogame) A young boy hates his father all his life, because during an invasion (of their home) the boy's father left the front-lines and ran away somewhere else. The boy hated his father for doing this and never returning.
      Later in his adulthood, when his grandpa sees that the boy keeps hatred towards his father, the grandpa takes the boy in a secret underground tunnel, through an entrance that was sealed completely shut with steels walls. After walking some distance the grandpa shows the boy his father's corpse, and then telling him, that his father had not run away, but his father alone pushed the enemy through the back and stopped their advance. He fought and fought to the point that he was successful to stop them by sealing their path, but he could not return and died.
      After knowing this, the boy was filled with immense sorrow of how (in ignorance) he had thought of his father badly… and then not only did he start being proud of what his father did, but he took inspiration from it and started walking the same type of path, that his father did.
      ~
      (So we were talking about 'ignorance'.)
      I believe (because of stories like above) that every person is a potential genius, is rational, and hence they have good reason to do what they do. So if I were in your position, I would trust that person that whatever they have done, they have done so with good reason and intention. (And perhaps If we were in their shoes… we would have done the same.)
      So if you keep all of this in mind, and recognize the 'ignorance', then you can take control of how you feel.
      If you think you have some faults, or you think you did something to distance them… then regardless of anything, you are to educate yourself with regards to those faults, so that you can remove this 'uncertainty', so you be more confident in your life with respect to how you act.
      I hope this makes sense.
      .
      (This ends the general listing here. If you have any questions, or disagreements, or curiosities, or if you desire details. Let me know!)
      .
      //Its been a while now since we’ve talked and I feel like I never meant anything to them, it makes me feel so worthless.//
      ~ Who is responsible for 'you' feeling worthless? You? or the person who distanced themselves from you? (If other people control how you feel, and you yourself do not. You may be facing 'dependency').
      .
      //but now without the support of someone close I’m really struggling to keep up//
      ~ Dependency noted. (twice)