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    Zhialus posted an update 1 year, 1 month ago

    Anyone have any good coping mechanisms for when the one significant person in your life leaves you without word or reason? There was a point in my life where I was complacent and even happy sometimes with being isolated and lacking a deeper connection but after this person I just really can’t seem to find my way back to that comfortable solitude. Its been a while now since we’ve talked and I feel like I never meant anything to them, it makes me feel so worthless. I was fragile enough before but now without the support of someone close I’m really struggling to keep up with life and the depression is really setting in. Any feedback is appreciated and of course thanks for taking your time of day to read or respond.

    Mood : Alone
    • Anyone who leaves you isn’t worth it @etherealpanda, you deserve to be surrounded by people who will stick by you and bring you love, hope and happiness, do your best to be upbeat and go out into the world, find new activities and meet new friends, smile and know you are cared for, I may not know you personally but I want the best for you, believe in yourself and never give up, you can do it, I’m always here if you need to chat or vent, feel free to inbox me anytime, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

    • @etherealpanda
      If that significant person’ is someone you are sexually attracted to, then its a special case…
      Hence having a vague idea about your case, I will list all the general reasons in my artillery of knowledge, of why one may suffer stress for the leaving of a loved one.
      Here we go!
      1) Dependency: If you are, in any shape or form, dependent on them… then you would dis-heartened when you separate.
      (Thinking that the power to make you feel a certain way, is not your own, but something other people hold. <— from this comes the desire towards others to make you feel a certain way, <— this comes into the category of you being dependent on people/significant person.)
      ~ You resolve this by being independent (in regards to what you depend on them with.) Dependency means that you give something/someone a power, that they don't have. By bringing that power back into your hands, will discard dependency.
      .
      2. irreplaceability: When you lose something you perceive as 'irreplaceable', then that leaves a void in your heart in place of that.
      ~You can resolve this by perceiving them as replaceable. I suggest people who wish to find a soul-mate (life long partner), to NOT get attached to a specific 'person'… but only get attached to their 'qualities'.
      Because if they fell in love with a 'person' that they cannot marry (or spend their life with) then loosing that person would be devastating (because no two people exist as the same). But if they only focus and love the qualities of a person… then loosing them is not dis-heartening… because there are A LOT of people with the same qualities as them.
      (does this make sense?)
      .
      3. Ignorance: The idea of not knowing 'why' they did what they did ('leaving you' in this case), is stressing indeed.
      * In a certain story (from a 1997 Videogame) A young boy hates his father all his life, because during an invasion (of their home) the boy's father left the front-lines and ran away somewhere else. The boy hated his father for doing this and never returning.
      Later in his adulthood, when his grandpa sees that the boy keeps hatred towards his father, the grandpa takes the boy in a secret underground tunnel, through an entrance that was sealed completely shut with steels walls. After walking some distance the grandpa shows the boy his father's corpse, and then telling him, that his father had not run away, but his father alone pushed the enemy through the back and stopped their advance. He fought and fought to the point that he was successful to stop them by sealing their path, but he could not return and died.
      After knowing this, the boy was filled with immense sorrow of how (in ignorance) he had thought of his father badly… and then not only did he start being proud of what his father did, but he took inspiration from it and started walking the same type of path, that his father did.
      ~
      (So we were talking about 'ignorance'.)
      I believe (because of stories like above) that every person is a potential genius, is rational, and hence they have good reason to do what they do. So if I were in your position, I would trust that person that whatever they have done, they have done so with good reason and intention. (And perhaps If we were in their shoes… we would have done the same.)
      So if you keep all of this in mind, and recognize the 'ignorance', then you can take control of how you feel.
      If you think you have some faults, or you think you did something to distance them… then regardless of anything, you are to educate yourself with regards to those faults, so that you can remove this 'uncertainty', so you be more confident in your life with respect to how you act.
      I hope this makes sense.
      .
      (This ends the general listing here. If you have any questions, or disagreements, or curiosities, or if you desire details. Let me know!)
      .
      //Its been a while now since we’ve talked and I feel like I never meant anything to them, it makes me feel so worthless.//
      ~ Who is responsible for 'you' feeling worthless? You? or the person who distanced themselves from you? (If other people control how you feel, and you yourself do not. You may be facing 'dependency').
      .
      //but now without the support of someone close I’m really struggling to keep up//
      ~ Dependency noted. (twice)

    • @sigmasuccour Not sure if you’re still around but I appreciate this message, more now upon my return than I had at the time, I had been clouded by my attachment and I took some of the things you said somewhat insultingly towards my feelings, but now, being slightly more mature and seeing things in a different light I find myself appreciating the nuances of the message a lot more than I had. If you are still around, my only question is to your last response to my ’dependency’ when I had said that Life was difficult without the support of someone. Perhaps I’m misinterpreting but in my case and how I see your message dependency comes of as being a negative state, so I’m curious, there are time in which myself is enough to manage, enough to provide the emotional support that I need, but what happens when it doesn’t, what do you, I, do? I guess I just feel like everyone needs a support network so how do you avoid dependency, can you even?

    • @etherealpanda
      //Not sure if you’re still around//
      > Sorry for the late reply.
      .
      //but in my case and how I see your message dependency comes of as being a negative state//
      > I do believe its a ’negative’ and ’unhealthy’ state if you attribute its solution to another person’s presence. And let me illustrate to you why,
      Interacting with another person, with the intention that you ’need’ them for emotional support. Forces you to think about yourself more, than the person you are interacting with.
      This automatically makes you behave less understanding of the other person. You lose sight of helping them, investing in their goals, and instead you unconsciously keep thinking about yourself. Even if you do help them, you do it because you want them to help and support you in return. And if they don’t help you in return, you unconsciously feel less and less motivated in helping them. (If they do help you. You might become blind to it, since they are ’returning a favor’ and not actually helping. Making you possibly act ungrateful by not realizing their help.)<—– This leads to an unhealthy social life, and ends up creating much more issues. (The healthier way is to do your best to abandon the thought of yourself, and work towards the benefit of others and the person you are interacting with. Its when two people like this interact and form a relationship, its the most fruitful and productive.)
      .
      So you wanting someone (i.e another person) to emotionally support you, will urge you to interact with people, with the intention that you want them to emotionally support you later in the relationship. Picture yourself in-front of your eyes… in a situation where you feel you have been in a state, where you are thinking you need someone’s emotional support.
      Then ask yourself. What exactly do you want them to do, that you would interpret as ’support’ in that situation? (I have to be general since I do not know any specifics.)
      Is it verbal? Do you want them to say something to you? What is it? Is it suppose to be ’motivating’? Is it suppose to tell you that ”You are right.” or ”keep going at it!”.
      Break down whatever it is. (I can help with it if you want.)
      Then figure out a way you can manage a way to get that ’support’ without ’needing’ another person.
      It could be simple as telling yourself the things you want someone else to say to you. It could be you writing down motivating quotes and reading them for support. Some people use some psychological techniques. Many use God and their religious scripture as means of emotional support. Many look at inspiring personalities, who stood tall in face of people telling them ”You’re nuts!”. Like in the following video,

      how Elon Musk (considered a superhero and iron man of 21st century) is seen having his eyes filled with tears, when he was made to recall that his heroes spoke against him and his hard work. So not only did they ’not’ cheer for him and NOT provide emotional support. They did the opposite. Still he persevered.
      .
      Of course there are still going to be days where you might feel like you need emotional support. The only difference would be… you wouldn’t be wishing for someone else to fix that for you. You would take action and fix it for yourself.
      .
      There was a time I wanted someone to understand me and provide emotional support for me too.
      I realized if everyone is focusing on ’wanting’ support from others. Then no one would actually be ’giving’ support. If no one is ’giving’, then I’m not getting. So I stopped desiring something I could never have.
      I then started playing my part in learning how I can better be of service and help to others. (I repeat, I first ’learned’ it.) And then I started practicing it.
      Being religious, when I did do something for someone, I did it with the intention of not wanting anything in return from them. Whenever my mind clicked saying ”Why are you doing this?” I always pointed to myself that I’m doing this so that I can get handsomely rewarded in the afterlife.
      After this (i.e focusing on providing help & emotional support for others) became a habit, I lost focus of what I wanted, and always focused on what I could give to others. Then I started seeing the benefits of it. People started keeping more in-contact with me. Keep asking me how I’m doing. (Worry about me if I’m doing something risky or dangerous) I would never contact them myself and they would repeatedly contact me themselves and ask to meet with me. (I have barely had to step a foot outside of my house to meet them. As they would always travel far from their own residence to meet me at my home, the place i’m most comfortable at.) They would keep offering themselves to help ”Hey if you ever need something. Let me know okay?”. Keep inviting me wherever they go. And keep doing little things here and there, that they think would make me happy. They do their best to somehow do something to help me achieve my goals better. Keep on the look out for anything or any information that would benefit me and then tell me about it. They would tell me their deepest secrets, and make themselves completely vulnerable to me and trust me. They would introduce me to their friends. And so forth.
      .
      I now have emotional support from people, that I do not need. I have people and friends offering me their help & services that I can take advantage of, that I do not need. I have a continuously expanding network of people who trust me and listen to me, which I do not need.
      I didn’t ask for any of this, but I still got it. I suppose its sort of like being rich but not having desire for money & luxury.

    • @sigmasuccour I see what you’re saying. The issue that I seem to run into however is that I don’t often need to support of others, like I said in my other message in most situations myself is enough. But the issue is that sometimes I reach a state that’s intense enough that I’m not enough, that anything encouraging I say doesn’t feel real, like its a lie and I feel like that’s where the dependency for others comes from, because sometimes it feels more assuring and believable to hear the things you need to from another being and not constantly from your own internal voice. I just don’t yet have the internal strength to pull myself out of some of the deeper negative spirals if that makes sense. So how do you deal with situations like that? you say imagine what you want others to say but the problem is its still me that’s saying it, to me their actual words are usually less relevant than just the fact that they’re saying anything. hopefully this makes sense, words are not my friend today.

    • @etherealpanda
      I’m getting the picture.
      How do I deal with such situations, where I’m working towards a goal and things aren’t working out? (Again, since you are being completely vague about your situation. I have to generalize as well.)
      I have certain principles that I follow that help me with these kind of things.
      1) Before doing something. I make sure I educate myself on the topic by learning from people who have been successful with the topic. I barely go into situations, without first looking up on other people’s experiences and learn from them. Helps lessen mistakes and saves time.
      For-example, When I wanted to better communicate with people, I watched dozens of hours of online course material on the topic, to improve my communication skill.
      I intend to start working on my first video game starting January or February. And for its story, I have recently done four online courses by four hollywood screen-writers and editors. Their experiences have now been mine.
      When I wanted to be positive, I looked up techniques that optimistic people used and applied them.
      I didn’t care where and what source I’m learning from. I applied it, and if it worked for me, I would keep it and share it with others. If it didn’t, I would throw it away.
      2) ”When you feel like quitting, remember why you started.” ~ If remembering ’why I started’ doing a certain thing doesn’t motivate me to keep doing it, means I didn’t think it through before starting. So I quit doing it without a second thought. Which is why I’m a university drop-out. (This is also why, before starting something. I make sure to think it through a thousand times.)
      3) Maintain discipline.
      Muhammad Ali, the legendary Boxer was asked how many sit-ups he did.
      His response: “I don’t count my sit-ups; I only start counting when it starts hurting because they’re the only ones that count.”
      The actual accomplishment is staying on course, when you feel like quitting or resting. That’s the ACTUAL accomplishment. Its SUPER easy to do something you are comfortable with. (Anyone can do that!) The actual ’effort’ is when you feel like stopping and when you are demotivated. A person who just do what they ’feel like’, whatever feels easy, and can’t work when they feel uncomfortable, they have put ZERO effort into doing that thing.
      So its the moments when ”I don’t want to.”, that I make sure I do that thing.
      4) ”Big dreams, require BIG efforts. Small dreams, require small efforts. No dream requires no effort.”
      The amount of effort you put into something, defines your goals and dreams. So have a an impossible goal to work towards, so that you would feel forced to work every single second for it. Else it would not be achieved.
      Men who have a family (a wife and children) are (as per my knowledge) statistically shown to have a likely chance to be preferred by their employer, and be hired for a job. And are more likely to be promoted. Reason being that these man work much harder, because they have a family to provide for and protect and to serve. They are respectful with their bosses and take care of work ethics, because they can’t risk loosing their job which would cause trouble to their family.
      What is exactly their motivation? Its seeing their family be happy, and the ’fear’ that any error on their part will cause suffering for them.
      So use ’fear’. I was taught that ”When all else fail and you don’t feel like working. Then just remind yourself that if you don’t do this, you won’t be able to feed yourself (and your family).”
      I ’fear’ more, then anything that… if I’m unable to do my best to achieve my goals. I would have robbed the world of something so valuable, that I won’t be able to die in peace. (Warning: religious content up ahead) And that when I would be asked about it on the judgment day regarding what I did with the knowledge and means and purpose I was blessed with. I wouldn’t be able to raise my head in-front of God due to extreme shame.
      .
      This is, I repeat, completely general. As you would share with me a specific situation, I can then share with you more specific steps I take to deal with it.
      On a more specific note, I’ll list some of the cases you ’might’ be referring to, and shortly comment on how I deal with them.
      Laziness and procrastination is what would normally cause me trouble, and that’s where the steps 2, 3 and 4 (as mentioned above) mostly come in.
      I am not capable of negativity anymore. I practiced this game called ’glad game’ and it trains your mind to always look at the positive first in every situation. And because of it, the more ’bad’ the situation I’m in, the more excited I get! Because of all the positive thoughts, I become super excited about being given an opportunity to experience them.
      When I feel anxious I address all the anxious thoughts I’m having. My anxiety is mostly telling me that I’m not prepared for a certain situation that I’m going to be facing. And that I am easily able to solve by, in some-way, by better preparing for it. (like learning from other people’s experiences. Or being creative by making up my own solution.)
      If i’m regretting something. There is something I haven’t properly learned from my past experience, that I’m being forced to repeatedly pay attention to it. So I take my time and squeeze the learning out of it.
      I’m not puzzled regarding my beliefs or my morals, that I would require social affirmation for them. (I took my time to strengthen them through question, doubt and knowledge. I believe without firm beliefs & principles, and a moral source to turn to for the knowledge of right or wrong, life is utterly confusing.) So I have a source to turn to, when I want to know what’s right or wrong (being religious and all) so I don’t go to just anyone to tell me if what I’m doing is right or wrong, or its something I should be doing or not. I go to someone knowledgeable. (you don’t ask a poor person to teach you how to be materially rich. You go to rich person for that.) Because of this, I’m not discouraged anymore by someone’s words. Because most people are ignorant about what they are saying. Which gives me an opportunity to help them better understand. And when they are knowledgeable, that’s a learning opportunity for me.
      .
      // to me their actual words are usually less relevant than just the fact that they’re saying anything.//
      > So its someone’s ’presence’ that you want basically. I’m really curious, what do exactly get from their presence? A sense of security? Affirmation about something? it helps kill loneliness? Does it help distract you from something?
      Does it necessarily have to be a person? Can it be an imaginary friend? Can it be an animal? Is it gender specific? Is there a specific age range that you want? Do you want them to be similar to you in some aspect?

    • @sigmasuccour All of this is very useful and all and I’ll likely try to apply it in other aspects of my life, but it sort of misses the mark. I understand though that I can be difficult given like you said I haven’t mentioned a specific situation, but I suppose I don’t have one specific situation in mind. I suppose I should ask given what you said, have you ever struggled with depression etc? Because that’s more what I’m trying to get it. I’m just wondering how you can always be your own support network because due to the nature of depression it makes it difficult to do even the simplest things so how can you be able to do something as difficult as getting yourself out of depression without some outside help? Hopefully that’s a bit more specific and easier to work with. Because to me when I’m in a state of depression I feel worthless and everything feels pointless, which makes it exceedingly difficult to then try to talk myself out of it, does this make sense? So I guess that’s why I ask if you’ve ever dealt with depression because from an outside source it would seem like just do it, get over it, but it’s not always that easy.

    • @etherealpanda
      ’Depression’ is a label. And labels sometime try to simplify something, that has more description to it. So what is this ’depression’ that ’you’ experience exactly? What exact experiences do you have, that you attribute to the label of ’depression’? Could you throw away the name of the dish itself, and tell me all of its ingredients?

    • @sigmasuccour well I did mention two aspects of it but I try to elaborate a little more, things like feeling worthless, like everything is pointless, like everything I’ve done is a mistake, like nothing is worth living for, like I’m insignificant or irrelevant, like I’ll never be successful, unmotivated, numb, easily discouraged, that’s all that comes to mind at the moment if that helps.

    • @etherealpanda
      Sure! I have experienced most of that, and plenty more. (Including suicidal thoughts & porn addiction & verbal discouragement from my family & physical abuse from bullying.) And I wonder who hasn’t XD (Excluding people who had such a hard time surviving, that they didn’t have the opportunity to address these thoughts.)
      First I would ask you to murder the label ’depression’. And never use it again.
      You don’t have depression. You have a list of ’problems’. (Once you deal with these, you’ll have some more! That’s how life works apparently.)
      Such as,
      1) No sense of purpose.
      2) No meaning in life.
      3) Not motivated to do something and easily discouraged.
      4) Numb (emotionally numb? Really? You don’t look like it…)
      5) Feeling no sense of value in yourself, or anything.
      .
      I’m super curios about a two things here. How did you realize you have these problems? I mean, when did you start caring about self-worth? I’m sure that question didn’t come up when you were 6 or 7 years old. How did you figure out that you wouldn’t be successful in life? What do you call ’success’ in the first place, that you feel like you cannot achieve?
      What made you realize that everything you have ever done in your life, has been a waste? And if you know that it was a waste. How do you think you would have rather utilized your life, so that it wouldn’t have been a waste? So what exactly are you comparing your ’wasting my whole life’ to? What’s this ’not wasting my life’ version? (Makes sense?)
      Is having ’no’ meaning in life a problem? Why is that so? And why can’t you just attach a meaning like many people do? What’s stopping you?
      Did someone tell you, that you have these problems? If not. How did you come to a realization, that these problems exist for you? And when?

    • @sigmasuccour
      1) When did I realize? Umm perhaps in the beginning-ish of highschool when I started getting really theological and thinking about my reality and my life rather than how kids work where they don’t really then just kinda work with what they have and have fun.

      2) how did I figure out I wouldn’t be successful/what is my definition? Well I guess I haven’t exactly figured out that I won’t be since it hasn’t happened yet, I’m just worried that my current path doesn’t have enough momentum or power to propel me into success that I don’t have the abilities I need and won’t ever, and I see success as being able to support myself physically and emotionally, being able to do the things I want within reason and experience the things that I’d like too, to be in a life situation that satisfies me.

      3)What made me think its a been a waste? Part of it comes from comparison I think whether to my ideal self or to others that I admire. Seeing things that I value but are out of my reach or I’m incapable of makes me feel like the decisions I’ve made and the time I’ve spent doing what I have was a massive mistake and that I could’ve done better, tried harder, or lived smarter. I can’t tell you the amount of time I wish I could go back in time about 5-10 years but keep the knowledge I have now so I can do things in a way that I’m satisfied with. As for thinking How I would’ve rather utilized it, is it even worth thinking about? I know that I can’t go back and thinking about what I could’ve and should’ve done just seems like it’ll cause more pain.(whoops almost said ’depress me more’ so what is your vendetta against the word depression? is it just too vague for you and an excuse to avoid higher description?)

      4) is having no meaning a problem and why can’t I just attach a meaning? well I guess it is a bit of a problem, otherwise why should I even be alive, without reason, why exist? As for why I can’t make one, I can’t seem to find one that works for me, I can’t seem to find one that is both equally attainable and worth attaining. I’ve never gone through any kind of therapy so no I haven’t ever been directly told that I have these problems, I think there are just the result of trying to put name to the horrendous feelings I’ve felt, trying to put a reason to them so that I might find a way out. and like I said, highschool-ish was around the time.

      PS. you don’t think I seem emotionally numb? how so?

    • @etherealpanda
      The purpose of these questions was to help you realize, that you do not have ’a’ problem. You have ’many’ problems. Each problem needs to be separately addressed, one by one. Even the fact that you have not ’individually’ addressed these issues and solved them up until now, is an issue. (Which I would like to tackle first.)
      .
      //so what is your vendetta against the word depression?//
      > Its a label that, to an average person, does more harm then good.
      Consider ’depression’ like a box, with a ’depression’ label on it. When a person has a problem they don’t want to (or can’t) deal with immediately, they put it inside the ’depression box’.
      After reaching puberty, a person becomes more conscious of certain things, that end up suddenly creating a LOT of issues for them. All of these different problems that suddenly come up when a person reaches puberty, get thrown into the depression box.
      (This is why my personal experience has been that, most people who are ’depressed’, are depressed from puberty.)
      When that person, doesn’t deal with the issues in his/her depression box. That creates MORE issues! And then that issue also gets dumped into the depression box.
      When that person opens his/her box from time to time, to try and solve it. They are so overwhelmed by it, that they shut it back off.
      .
      To receive information about the possible solution to a problem, you need to first be able to present that problem to others.
      What most depressed people do is, they present the ’depression box’ as a problem. (Instead of focusing on one issue at a time.) The other person either looks at the box from the surface, and gives you the (fake) solution to ALL of the problems. (Which are mostly things like pscho-drugs/medecine, sex/relationship, harmful-drugs and things that would keep a person’s mind distracted like music.)
      OR! They would open the box up, see that you are asking for WAY too much investment. And decide they don’t wanna deal with it. (Since they would have to deconstruct the box and help you solve each issue, one by one. Which I assure you, is similar to raising a young child.)
      .
      If you throw away the word ’depression’, and list out your problems. And deal with them one by one, for what they are. You can make MUCH better progress.
      A friend of my friend told me he had depression. (like he told many others) And when I deconstructed it, I found he had,
      (A) Anxiety
      (B) Pessimism
      (C) Had social issues like Couldn’t say ’no’ to people, (that’s a problem) and felt used.
      (D) Was bad at memorizing and studying
      (E) Had anger issues.
      (F) Concentration issue
      (he barely had any of the issues you have. And still he referred it to as depression.)
      .
      Now I assure you, if you go around asking people (or google) the solution of most of these issues individually. You’ll get TONS of solutions. (That guy would have gotten solutions too) But since he always presented people with a ’box’ labelled ’depression’. People directed him into some unhealthy habits like smoking and partying and listening to music and such. (All of which made him distract himself from his problems and run away. The result? Really REALLY BAD! How bad? A grown man, for no reason whatsoever, suddenly crying like a girl. Now he is increasingly dosing himself on medicine, which according to the doctor, he should have stopped needing a long time ago. And now, considering his daily dose, he would go berserk if he quits taking them.)
      .
      If only the doctors would have helped his individual issues… But how could they? They are not knowledgeable on how to solve every single issue they find in the depression box. (I’m going to stop right here, before I get on the train to spewing what many ills these professionals have committed.)
      .
      If you wonder why I didn’t help him, I did. I left him in a state where he was positive, ambitious, happy, productive, off medicine and with tools to further progress. And being the busy-body I am, I didn’t stay in contact. And I met him about an year to many months later. And he was dosing on medicines, which I told him to stay away from no matter what.
      .
      Is this making sense?
      .
      //PS. you don’t think I seem emotionally numb? how so?//
      > Because you have repeatedly used the word ’feel’ in your speech. Hence clearly expressing that you ’feel’. And If you ’feel’, you cannot be ’emotionally numb’.
      .
      The following are your words,
      ”…I’m incapable of makes me feel like the decisions I’ve made and…”
      ”…I think there are just the result of trying to put name to the horrendous feelings I’ve felt,…”
      ” well I did mention two aspects of it but I try to elaborate a little more, things like feeling worthless,”
      ” I’m in a state of depression I feel worthless and everything feels pointless,”
      ”that anything encouraging I say doesn’t feel real,”
      ”like its a lie and I feel like that’s where the dependency for others comes”
      ” because sometimes it feels more assuring…”
      ”I guess I just feel like everyone needs a support network”
      ”I took some of the things you said somewhat insultingly towards my feelings,”
      .
      Back to what I initially said,
      //Even the fact that you have not ’individually’ addressed these issues and solved them up until now, is an issue. (Which I would like to tackle first.)//
      .
      So this here is the important question. Why haven’t you dealt with these problems individually? And what’s (literally) stopping you from starting to work on them today and get them fixed? (Is it hard to survive where you live and you are too busy getting food on the table? Do you have responsibilities like multiple disabled family members that you have to constantly take care of, and you can’t take a few weeks to months off to work on yourself? Literally, what is it?)

    • @sigmasuccour
      I do have a moderate amount of responsibilities that keep me fairly busy for the most part considering I’m working and also a student, but more so I think the issue is that I haven’t taken the time to do anything. I would mostly say this is because I don’t know what to do, go in a room and sit and think for hours on end? It never seems to get me anywhere. So its not that I don’t have the time to spend it’s that I don’t know how or what to spend it on that will helpful. Identifying the problems can help somewhat the few times I’ve been able too but after that I don’t have anywhere to go. I’ve never found anything vastly useful on the internet and its not like I can afford any kind of actual therapy nor do I really trust therapists, so I’ve just been kinda trying to ’bear the burden’ with things until I can find a solution. Which I mean sure I’m still functional, but I feel like I could be more if I didn’t constantly feel like shit, which is then why I’m here.

    • @etherealpanda
      // I would mostly say this is because I don’t know what to do, go in a room and sit and think for hours on end?//
      > Yupe!
      .
      //It never seems to get me anywhere.//
      You did something, found out it didn’t work. So you try something else. That’s the basics of reaching any goal. (Here your ’goal’ would be fixing an issue in your psyche.)
      If you want to reach a goal more quicker and not waste time making mistakes, you learn from other people’s experiences.
      .
      //I’ve never found anything vastly useful on the internet//
      > I find this hard to believe. Only because its through the information present on the internet, that I got my issues fixed. Hundreds of youtube videos (workshops, lectures, presentation, seminar recordings) and books on each of your issue, to thousands of comments in forums where people are just throwing ideas on what you can ’practically’ do to solve a particular issue of yours. (And that’s for ’each’ issue.) Including online courses on every single topic, that if you cannot afford, pirate them and pay them back when you can. And countless religious sermons and lectures on youtube from pretty much all of the major religions, tackling your specific questions and offering a solution. More so, there is an exploration of ’why’ these issues are there in the first place? I mean, why do you need purpose in life? what’s the purpose of having a purpose?
      .
      I practiced any sensible and ethical ’practice’ I could find online on my issue, and just went with ”Hey! let’s try it!”. Somethings worked, somethings didn’t. But in the end, I solved my issues.
      .
      So relating to whether or not there is information available on the internet. There is.
      As to why you think otherwise, is a matter of how ’smartly’ you invested into finding a solution. (I use ’smartly’ because, the internet can only put forth information that you ask it to. This comes back to what I said about ’depression’. If you do not know what you are looking for exactly, then others/google cannot provide you that information. If you went on google or youtube and typed ”how to solve depression”, you might be lost for quite a long time. If you went with things like ”why do we need a purpose?”, ”What’s the meaning of life?”, ”Why do we need meaning in life?”, ”books on meaning of life.”, ”science and meaning in life”, ”religion and meaning in life.”, you would be in a much better state.)
      .
      //nor do I really trust therapists,//
      > Glad that you are critical on this matter.
      .
      //so I’ve just been kinda trying to ’bear the burden’ with things until I can find a solution.//
      > This is called low investment I believe. (I recognize that you are here and discussing this with me, and that’s an appreciable degree of investment.)
      .
      This is what I say to most people in situation like yours, I say you ought to be more invested into solving these issues. To get away from everything, and just focus on fixing these issues of yours.
      Especially quitting those activities, that cause you day to day stress. (To a degree its okay for you to survive) Which means taking a semester break from school/college, quitting your job if possible, (if you work to pay your student bills, you could easily quit your job while taking the academic break) It may also include shutting off your social life and throwing away your phone. (if others are distracting or stressing you.)
      The first few days to a week or two, yes you are going to just think about your issue, wonder what to do. And as soon as you realize its not working, you’ll do something else. When you find that ’that’ isn’t working, you’ll do something else. And this will keep going, until you fix your issue. And for this to happen, you have to be fully invested in this every single day.
      You have to wake up with the intention of fixing an issue, then live the whole day trying, and then sleep with the intention of waking up the next day to fix it.
      .
      And once you have all of these type of issues fixed. You would perform a hundred times more excellent in every other area of life. Including work, studies, career, social and basically everything. So its a great investment.
      If you may be wondering why ’this’ degree of investment is necessary. That’s because most of your issues require you to ’realize’ a lot of things. That is, to go through a journey of exploration, make mistakes, have the opportunity to learn from them, read up a lot, think a lot, listen to others a lot and then come to an answer. That answer could be already in front of you, but because you haven’t realized it, your issues are not still there. Hence this level of ’investment’ is necessary, so you can ’realize’ the answers.
      I’m aware that many would have even journeyed across the whole world, just to get the answer to the problems you have mentioned. (And you can read up their experiences online to, and listen to them on youtube.)

    • *but because you haven’t realized it, your issues are still there.” (Made a BIG ERROR in this line. Its ”your issues are still there.”)