• Profile picture of aireens
    Passing Stranger
    766
    QA Reputation
    27

    aireens posted an update 1 year ago

    you guys know the feeling when you ”break” a glow stick and (for me) its so satisfying. there have been 3 moments in my life where i felt that kind of ”break” where i was feeling so emotionally stressed and then -break- i just realize i shouldnt care because its not even a mutual thing and then i felt relieved.
    so recently ive been stressed with my friends because the 5 of hus started to realize that our other friend is mean and really insensitive at times and we kinda tarted to talk about her behind her back to cope i guess and it got to a point where its not even for releasing stress but just to pick on that friend like listing and talking about her and the things she does…. and i feel guilty so whenever we do that i jsut listen to them and add stuff that are obvious etc. but recently i can see 3 of them distancing themselves from us and idk if they think im dumb or anything but they are just too obvious when they try to leave because theyre obvs going to talk about probably that friend… and this got me stressed out because i want the 6 of us to be ok and not have this awkward atmosphere. then i saw the 3 of them at the canteen of our school and that mmoment i felt the ”break” like i thought so its just the 3 of them then and the rest of us are excluded when usually we all go together at that time. its hurtful when you care and you dont feel/see that they care about you back and now i dont care but i still feel hurt.
    idk if this post is a vent post or asking for advice post but all your inputs would be nice.

    • Oli replied 1 year ago

      Try to talk to everyone in your friendship group and see if you can all try to make things better @aireens, hopefully you will be able to sort everything out and become much closer with one another, be as honest with them as you can, I’m sure all will turn out well, feel free to message me anytime if you want to chat or vent, my inbox is always open, stay strong, you are never alone :) (hugs)

    • @aireens
      (the following is super gibberish, but i believe someone genius like yourself, who is sincere to themselves. Would be easily able to extract positive wisdom from the wall of gibberish i type below XD . So first of all… ’sorry’…. and.. secondly… ’all the best! I hope and pray that what I type below… helps you in some way.’)
      .
      ~(gibberish start)
      Its all about ’focus’ you see. What is your ’focus’? Whatever it is, its limited… if you spend it at one place… you can’t spend it somewhere else simultaneously…
      For-example, My focus is research in a certain subject, all I care about is what are the things and who are the people that help me invest in my research. And what are the things and who are the people who push me away from it. That’s my world. That’s all I care about. That’s my focus, the rest is out of my focus. I don’t care about anything else.
      .
      Someone may be a passionate inventor who likes to blow people away (mentally…. not physically XD ) , all they (the inventor) would care about would be the things and people that help them to invent better. If they came across something that would harm their inventor lifestyle, they would push it away. Invention is all they care about, its their world, its their focus. Everything else is ’out’ of their focus. (hence they don’t care about it)…
      (and since their world revolves around something like ’invention’, they tend to not care much about social pleasure. So that’s why geniuses have been associated to introvert-ism. I hope this makes sense)
      .
      Now the reason I mention this is because…
      You have a certain ’focus’. There is something you care about. Isn’t that right? we all have something we care about. Some care about their research and for them, all the rest of the world can go puke in a well… some just care about their sports and for them, the rest of the world can poop in an alley… some people care about their family and friends and their community super-alot (same thing, different focus).
      .
      In all your post, you told us what ’you’ care about. (which is super nice, and thank you for sharing that with us) But you didn’t tell us what each of your friends care about… did you?
      did you sincerely ask them about that? what is that they care about? what are the things they surround themselves with? and what is the thing they think about most of the time of the day? (that’s the thing they mostly care about… )
      .
      People around you. Copy you. If you focus on what you care about, they will focus on what they care about. And everyone would be singing ”Nooooo~body cay-res abou-meeeeee~”
      But if you start caring, about what other people care about. If you start understanding, and investing in what they care about. Then they would copy you… and start caring and investing their time and sweat (and blood) in what you care about. (makes sense?)
      If you want people to care about you or care about what you care about. You start investing your time and sweat… in what ’they’ care about. (and then they would do the same for you. ”Be with others, how you wish others to be with you.”)
      .
      Does that make sense? (I sure hope it does O_O)
      ~(gibberish end)
      .
      *Your brain goes* ~(processing all gibberish….
      converting into wisdom…
      converting into positive wisdom…
      converting into practical positive wisdom…
      conversion complete)
      .
      So! got anything? O_O @aireens

    • @aireens
      oh and another thing! If you believe you already are investing in what they care about… then I must inform you that, if you are investing your time to help them solve their problems, or if you invest your time to do what is good for them, or if you invest your time to make them laugh… then that is not the same as investing into the things they sincerely care about…
      They may not care about self-development, they may not care about being just happy. They may not care about ’temporary laughs’, they may not care about a lot of things that you think they care about… so just wanted to mention that… I just wanted to mention that, ’assuming’ what they care about… may be different from what they actually care about.

    • @aireens
      (another comment…. super sorry for not completing everything in just one message XD )
      I would also like to mention that… My personal approach is that, I invest in other people’s goals (or what they care about) depending on the time and resources that I have. (if I go beyond that… if I go beyond the time and resources that I have and i’m comfortable to share, then this itself would negatively impact my health. then I would become incapable, of helping them (or anyone else) anymore… So I always consider my time and resources that I can invest. so that I don’t sacrifice too much…)
      Then I do my best not to care about, what they are returning to me…
      What I focus on is that… I want to invest so much in what they care about, and in their goals. That their conscience (heart and mind) yells at them constantly to help me or to serve me XD (I want them to have this much of an urge to offer me their services)
      And they are conscious people, this feeling of wanting to help you back and care for you back is always there… they just don’t know how to express it, or they are hesitant. What I do is that I make them BURST with the feeling of wanting to help me back! —– > do they help/care/invest back? of course! they do! I have people who keep asking me if there is anything they can do for me. And they keep reminding me that… if I have any troubles or problems, i should remember them and call them immediately… (do I take their help? NOPE! :P I just get excited by filling more and more of their ’help urge’ meter up :P )
      .
      And so you have my personal experience on this too. I hope this helps. (sorry for the super long, 3 part message.)

    • Teefy replied 1 year ago

      I’ve been there, girls tend to love causing drama with the tiniest things possible. I don’t like them judging others every sec they get too, recently some of my friends did that and they’re so inconsiderate, always counting on me being okay with anything, and only finds me when they physically need help with something . Few weeks ago they’ve been hanging out and talking in some other private chats until yesterday they asked me if I would like to go to some event bc there’s clearly not enough people going and they just want another person to go, I said no. I’d say they distanced themselves from me first, so I decided to let go.

      I think friends and relationships come and goes when it’s just not right for you, you shouldn’t have to try to stop being nice and less judgemental because you want to keep your friends. I say congratulations! you’re off to find others who may see you as someone more important than ”just this girl who doesn’t like gossiping”. Feel better alright ? :)

    • @oli thank you oliii~ yeah i think we really should but i think were still too immature to actually do that :( but im hoping we grow from this and be functioning adults that actually communicate. :D have a nice day oli~

    • @sigmasuccour
      aaah thank you! while i was reading i was saying a lot of ”oh shiit” because i was realizing that i may have contributed in putting myself in this situation! i guess i never really thought of actually focusing on the things they love or care because sometimes its not something i would care about and i also feel like they dont care about the things i care about (are they copying me not caring about them or am i copying them not caring about me) and when i try to show that i care, the next time im already expecting to get the same level of enthusiasm or curiosity in the things i tell them but it doesnt really happen which discourages me a lot.
      //I just get excited by filling more and more of their ’help urge’ meter up// LOL!! i wanna do this! thank youu again made me think about the deepness of our friendship and i really want to be a better friend/person, im gonna start trying to actually focus and care about others!

    • @xtiffytaffystar
      im glad you let them go, they really sound like a bunch of toxic friends x_x. aww thank youu teefy~ hope we find better and deserving friends soon!