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    mariko posted an update 6 years, 6 months ago

    I’m just having a massive breakdown cause I never felt so alone in 22 years of my life. I can barely breathe right now, my head feels like is about to explode, I can’t stop crying, my chest hurts so badly and my anxiety is blowing up the roof. I think I’m not made for people. In fact, I’m just more and more sure about it. I don’t fit it. At all. I’m not like other women, I’m not the type of person people like, I can’t have keep a good relationship with my bf, I just feel so alone. I really feel alone. I’m so scared of my mind and how badly this can turn out. I’m terrified of my depression hitting me again and me relapsing cause I already feel it creeping up on me and I feel so lost. Days and days without hearing a single human voice, days and days with my mouth close , not speaking to anyone. Has come to the point I read out loud and speak to the walls.
    I wish I still had my grandparents. That’s all I can say.
    I don’t want to die. I don’t want to be unhappy. I just want to rip my heart out to never ever feel this pain and panic and fear I am feeling.
    I’m hopeless. I’m desperate. And I am alone.

    • Please don’t let anxiety, depression and sadness get you down @marikofujimoto, I know how you feel sweetie, being an introvert and shy myself, it can be hard to talk with and socialise with people, you are a fighter Mariko who will overcome all her battles, try your best to go out into the world and not let the isolation break you, I care about and love you, I wish I could be with you in person and give you a hug so you didn’t feel alone hun, surround yourself with brightness, happiness and joy as much as you can and never give up, you can do it Mariko because you are beautiful, courageous, incredible and amazing, I believe in you, inbox me anytime if you want to chat or vent, stay strong, you are never alone :) <3 (hugs)

    • everything will be ok, @marikofujimoto… it may be a time of challenge but things will get better. This moment is the way it is because you have the power to change it whether you realize it or not. Try not to be so hard on yourself, you’ll make it through. There are people out there that realize and appreciate you just the way you are and know that you are special. Everyone on this earth is special because we all exist for a reason and purpose. If we want to change the world, we must be what we wish to see in the world. You’re strong to be going through such a time like this. Your spirit can overcome this… You’re not alone. There’s so many going through different challenges, it’s part of life… I know that you feel alone because your relationships seem to be challenging. I can relate to that too and I’ve learned to just appreciate people the way they, have love and leave the rest for them to deal with… It’s so easy to judge others when we don’t understand them or know why they do what they do… the best way to deal with that is to be the more mature person and just let them be, say what you have to say, be true to you but with respect. People only choose to change when they feel they have to change for themselves, never when someone tries to change them. Patience is key when dealing with others. It’s important to not loose sight of whats around you that you can enjoy now and that’s nature, the animals, breathing, swimming, relaxing, taking good care of yourself by taking long baths or anything you feel will help you relax and really soak into the moment. Everything can and will work out in your favor, when you create your own tune… just have to tune your life to the right tune… by focusing on you… when you do that, everything else will have to reflect that… we can choose how we respond to the things around us. I know it can be challenging in the beginning as a person in their early 20s but it can be done when you understand the reason and your purpose for life which is to enjoy it in the best way you would like. Imagine it in your mind and it will manifest eventually.

    • @spectrolite7 , @oliver , you guys are the best. Thank you so much for the lovely words full of warmth and love and even advice! Feels amazing to know someone still cares, to know when I struggle you guys are around.
      Again, thank you so much guys. Hope you are having a lovely day cause you sure deserve it :)