I’ve always had sleeping problems. Often fell asleep in class. Was known for my head slowly bobbing up and down as I desperately tried to stay awake. Had to stand in front of the class and read from a book while standing as punishment. They’re trying to schedule me for another sleep study now, but it’s taking a while because I have to go through certain channels (Vocational Rehab, etc) to arrange it.

But in the meantime, my sleeping issues have… increased? accelerated? gotten much much more severe? in a short matter of time. I either sleep from maybe 8pm-6am with another hard sleep between 11am-4pm, or I sleep repeatedly in two to four hour stints with maybe thirty minutes of wakefulness in between. Or, hilariously, I cannot sleep in the evening at all. I go through phases of it, so I’m always having to fight myself either to go to sleep, stay asleep, or wake up/stay awake.

The fatigue is…. on a whole other level from simply ’sleepy’. I’ve fallen asleep balancing in a standing position, at my job on a cash register, and only woke when a customer got my attention. I’ve fallen asleep doing things I love. I’ve fallen asleep talking to people, DREAMING THAT I WAS STILL TALKING TO THEM. I fall asleep playing very active video games where my sleeping has lead to my character’s death numerous times. I’ve fallen asleep, horrifyingly, for seconds at a time WHILE DRIVING, so that I no longer allow myself to drive for fear of hurting someone.

I’m on ambien to try and get me to STAY asleep when I sleep, and the study is required for me to go on something like Nuvagil, but the price may be restrictive for me anyway. I’ve had neurological studies, ekgs, mri, hormone studies, thyroid studies, two sleep studies already, one of which I bombed by never actually falling asleep in, despite all my attempts. I’ve tried abstaining from caffeine for months at a time, or self medicating with it. I avoid sugars because my body was showing signs of having trouble processing it (acanthosis nigricans). I feel the weight of it in my arms, legs, and chest when I wake up, often feeling like my upper arms and chest are ’heavy’ and my legs will hurt in the quadriceps region and sometimes my feet are numb or have that pins-n-needles feeling.

I feel weak sometimes now, like I swear I’m dying, and I’m terrified I may at some point fall asleep and never wake up. I am in tears about this. I can’t live my life. At all. I can’t do anything. And if I try to force it, and go to some outing or event, I’m often completely wiped out within 3 hours.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like it may be an emergency, but I don’t thinnk an emergency room could do anything. I feel like I am going to die.

What do I do? what can I do? Help me, please. Help me.